There’s something about dating in your 30s that feels a lot like real estate. The older you get, the more you realize that just because something is available doesn’t mean it’s worth investing in.
And sometimes, the best thing on the market is you.
I’ve developed a little philosophy about dating that I think every woman should consider: Make your life 95% about yourself and your own happiness, and leave the remaining 5% for the men you’re dating.
Not because men aren’t important. Not because love isn’t wonderful. But because your life should already be pretty damn good before someone comes along asking to be part of it.
Your own money. Your own car. Your own interests. Your own friendships. Your own everything.
There’s a particular kind of freedom that comes with being a woman who isn’t waiting for a relationship to start living. And it’s something I’ve really come to appreciate in my 30s.
Not Every Showing Deserves an Offer
One of the more interesting things about dating at this age is that sometimes you’re not dating anyone at all.
And you’re perfectly fine with that.
You become more selective. Not necessarily because your standards have gotten impossibly high, but because you’ve realized that your time is an actual asset.
You’re no longer interested in sitting across the table from a man for two hours just because he offered to buy you dinner. I can buy my own dinner, babe. I actually have food at home.
If I’m getting dressed, putting on perfume, leaving my house, and giving you an evening of my life, it’s because I genuinely want to be there.
And that’s what makes dating so much more enjoyable when you approach it from a place of fulfillment rather than necessity.
You’re not auditioning for a role in someone else’s life. You’re simply seeing whether they’d make a worthwhile addition to yours.
A Man Is an Amenity, Not the Entire Property
Think about it.
When you’re buying a home, the rooftop deck might be fabulous. The kitchen might be gorgeous. The finishes might be everything you ever wanted.
But none of that matters if the foundation is falling apart.
Your life is the foundation.
Build something you love. Create financial independence. Develop interests that excite you. Travel. Spend time with your friends. Take yourself to beautiful places. Have experiences that have absolutely nothing to do with whether or not somebody’s son texts you good morning.
Then, when someone interesting comes along, dating becomes the fun little addition it’s supposed to be.
Not a full-time job. Not an emotional renovation project. And certainly not something that requires you to abandon the life you’ve worked so hard to create.
The 95/5 Rule
I think the biggest shift for me has been understanding that I can genuinely like someone without making them the center of my universe.
I can enjoy a date, look forward to seeing someone, have a little crush, and still have approximately 47 other things going on that have nothing to do with him.
It’s actually quite liberating.
And when things don’t work out? Sure, you might be disappointed. But you still have this entire beautiful life to return to.
Because the goal was never to build a life around a man.
It was to build a life so good that whoever enters it has to bring something worthwhile to the table.
Know your worth. Protect your equity. And please, stop entertaining properties you wouldn’t even recommend to a client.
Until Next Sunday,
Morgan
